Thinking Out Loud
by Laura Schiller
Summary: Set late in season 6. Lucy and Raj look for ways around their communication issues. The internet comes in handy.


Thinking Out Loud

By Laura Schiller

Based on: _The Big Bang Theory_

Copyright: CBS

Lucy's intensely self-conscious at first about finding out that Raj reads her blog. She doesn't update it for a week, because she can't help second-guessing everything she writes. She's a web designer, she knows the internet is public. But it's easier to confide in a million strangers than even one person she knows.

What if, the next time she writes about him, she ends up hurting him again like last time? When she called him "feminine", she meant it as a compliment. He's a man who likes to cook, takes care of his dog, puts a lot of thought into planning social events and is honest about his feelings – how could that possibly be a bad thing? What have people been saying to make him so embarrassed about who he is?

Still, second-guessing or no, eventually the pressure of _not_ writing outweighs the pressure of writing. She needs her safety valve, or else her head might explode. And besides, he might not even be reading it anymore. Maybe she's freaking out over nothing. (It wouldn't be the first time, after all.)

So one night, coming home from a movie date with Raj, she opens her laptop and lets everything spill out onto the screen.

 _R. put his arm around me when we came out of the theatre. Just like that, like we'd done it a million times before, and the weird thing is, it felt like we did. We fit together. He's taller than me but not a lot, and so warm I didn't even notice the night wind. Plus, someday I swear I'm going to steal the cologne he wears, because it smells like summer on a tropical beach even in the middle of January._

 _Then he moved away after a few seconds. I guess he thought I didn't like it, which is a logical conclusion for a guy to draw when the girl stops walking and lets out a squeak. We don't know each other well enough yet to tell the difference between happy squeaks and scared squeaks. That makes sense. So he gave me the last M &M, opened the car door for me, and drove me home with Ed Sheeran playing on the sound system._

 _But let me tell you, that is not how it went down in my head. In my head, I stuck my hand in the back pocket of his jeans (my date's, not Ed Sheeran's, obviously) and strolled down that parking lot with him like we owned the place. And then we hooked up in the car until the windows steamed up and the air freshener fell off the dashboard._

 _I wouldn't really do that, of course. Cars are so cramped, and what if someone saw us? Still, I wish I were as brave in real life as in my own imagination._

The next morning, she wakes up with a face as brightly colored as one of Raj's sweaters. She runs to her desk still wearing the old hockey jersey she uses as a nightgown, praying that she didn't hit Publish the night before.

Which of course she did.

It's out there now and she can't take it back. Even if she deletes it, there will still be traces for nosy engineers like Raj's friend Howard to follow.

As she scrolls down the page, however, she sees something that makes her clap her hand over her mouth and let out a breathless sound that even she finds hard to identify.

There's a comment. The first comment in the history of this blog.

 _ **StarryEyedScientist:**_ _For the record, your story made me happy-squeak so loud that Cinnamon stared at me. I know I don't have that many personal boundaries and you do, and I'm cool with that (most of the time), but it's a huge relief to know what you were really thinking._

 _In all seriousness, you're a good writer. And one of the bravest people I know. This, btw, includes Leonard when he had to tell Sheldon that "Firefly" got cancelled._

 _You know the back pocket of my jeans is available any time, right? ;)_

 _See you later, darling._

Lucy touches her fingertip to the words _darling_ , _bravest_ and _writer_ ,takes a screenshot to prove they're real, and shuffles to the bathroom with a dreamy smile on her face.

The next time they see each, she'll make the first move. She can't wait to see the look on his face.


End file.
